Then the commotion escalated. Suddenly and chaotically. What the- And then, some kind of very loud alarm went off and thick steel shutters slammed down with alarming force over the doors and windows of the grocery store, sealing all of us inside.
The grand warship was finished in 1628 and set out on its maiden voyage from Stockholm harbor with great fanfare. Then after three-quarters of a mile, still within sight of the celebration, it tipped over and sank straight to the bottom of the sea. Waah waah wwaaaaaah. Well, that was awkward.
Skopje basically looks like Medusa parachuted in out of the blue one day and was like “Wassaaaaap bitches?” And everyone said “Wuh- Oh goddammit I’m a statue now you asshole.” And they were right. Skydiving Medusa is the dirt worst.
When I told friends and family I was going to Montenegro, the most common response was “Have fun in Bosnia!” No, it’s not a city in Bosnia, it’s a cou- “Watch out for the war!” Consistently and without flaw, my phone always autocorrected “Montenegro” to “Nintendo.”
And what's the story with the 58 skulls that didn’t get chiseled out of the tower? Man, that’s way worse than my dad forgetting to pick me up after little league practice. “Whose skull is that? Frank? Fuck Frank, he owed me money.”
He continued to yell as, purely on instinct, I swept my arm around in the circular motion Daniel LaRusso uses when he wax off and twisted the crazy dude's wrist in a direction wrists aren’t meant to twist. I kept twisting until I broke his grip on me, and in one continuous fluid motion shoved him toward the ground with the same hand. Whoa, what the hell? That was some Tai Chi shit right there!
